Elevating with Mona Kosar-Abdi

I befriended Mona, 29, a few years back when we were both working at News 5 in Cleveland. Her physical beauty was, and still is striking, but that’s not what captivated me. Her down-to-earth personality, and no bullshit attitude is what won me over. People like to put limits on the complexities and depth of pretty people, but let me tell you, this chick is genuine and nuanced. A native of San Diego, she’s got that laid-back California vibe, but an east coast hustle. These days you can catch her on ABC News, where she’s a correspondent and currently the anchor of the networks overnight show Wold News Now. But she took some time out of her demanding schedule to talk with me, and we covered so much that I struggled to find an appropriate title for this article. The conversation we had spanned close to two hours, and I’m happy that those who watch her every night, will now be able to know her more personally.

One of the more important things we talked about was how she’s found ways to prioritize rest at this point in her career. “During the impeachment trial for example, I was working 16 hour days. Just back-to-back live shots on Capital Hill, and so of course you’re exhausted, but you look around and everyone else is doing the same so it’s as if it’s normal,” she said. The news cycle waits for no one, especially at the network level. And finding ways to really shift our view of work and working can be really tricky. But Mona made it a priority to be honest with herself about the burnout culture. “I started being more intentional about taking time off. I used to have that martyr syndrome of never taking vacation days. And nobody gives you an award for that. You could’ve taken those 3 weeks, and had a more balanced mind and life. So I realized that was a choice that I was making. So performative work is huge and who am I performing for,” she asked. She sites the book titled ‘Rest’ on giving her more perspective on this. In it, it talks about the idea that people think of rest and work as adversaries. That rest comes at the expense of work, when in reality they should be complementing each other. The book also focuses on the burn out, and that we spend our entire 20s preparing for success in our 30s, that we wind up depleted, no longer full of ambition or creativity. But if we paced ourselves, we’d find that we can create and ride success into our 50s, 60s, and 70s. But alas, “ we have a very narrow view in our society about the things we find acceptable,” she added.

“It’s not just taking time off to watch netflix. It’s about finding a hobby, something that brings you joy outside of work",” she advises.

Speaking of joy, she also cited Marie Kondo as being an inspiration to her in decluttering her life—and I’m not talking clothes. “Listening to it, her whole thing is that if something no longer serves you, thank it for its service and let it go. And the more I listened to it, I was like, yo this is a life motto, this isn’t about clothes,” she said. “I was hanging on to friendships, because I was like, we’ve been friends for 10 years! But thank you for bringing me joy, I wish you no ill will, I still have the memories, but you no longer serve me. And I might not serve you either,” she added. It’s a funny thing, our 20s. We spend a whole decade prioritizing people and things, that actually don’t benefit us, and don’t bring value into our lives. “Now that I’m 29 years old, I see that time isn’t on our side. You just realize how fast life goes, 10 years just went by (like that!) So the next 10, I’m not about to do the things that don’t serve me and make me happy,” she states.

As Mona, myself, and other girlfriends of mine get closer to 30, I’ve seen us all begin to remove the veil that’s been covering our eyes for a long time. We’re becoming more confident in who we are, and accepting of our evolution. We aren’t the same people today that we were yesterday. And hopefully we won’t be the same people tomorrow that we are today. But hindsight is 20/20, and the journey to self actualization isn’t ever a smooth one.

“If you put one foot in front of the other, you’ll get to your destination. So if I focus on what I can control, I’ll get to where I want to be. The stress, is unnecessary. It’s you performing. So in that sense I look back now, and I’m like that’s unnecessary. I wouldn’t trade anything to go back to 23 and not have the lessons I now have,” she proclaimed.

She also says that she’s being more intentional with her time, and the people she spends it with. So whether its cleaning out her instagram, or staying away from raggedy dudes, miss Ms. Mona with the B.S. She quite literally, doesn’t have the time.

At this point, our conversation changes a bit. As we come off the subject of how she tries to be intentional with her time and the way she spends it, I’m now wondering how she stays authentic to herself. Being a Black woman is America is tough. Being a first generation American is tough ( her parents are both from Somalia). And lastly, but certainly not least, being a Black woman in tv is tough. Just tough all around, and it can be taxing to always have to advocate for, and teach people who the hell you are. “As a Black woman, we don’t get second chances to mess up, and we’re often times up against this “idea” or “caricature” of who and what people think Black women are,” she asserts. To this she was specifically speaking about in the professional realm, and the representation of Black women in media. The intersection of race and gender within the tv industry is palpable. Where for Black women, we’re “otherized” regardless, and there’s always a struggle in showing up exactly as you are, and being asked to show up as the version someone else thinks you are. Mona’s not really a stranger to that dynamic though, having felt similar ways as a Somali American growing up in San Diego.

She was around so many cultures and backgrounds, yet still had to deal with the “where are you from” questions. Knowing damn well, she couldn’t just say San Diego—that’s not what they were looking for. The double consciousness of being American, but also somehow representing a country you’ve never been to, is complicated. “I think it was confusing because my parents actually came here when they were pretty young. So I wouldn’t say I had an overbearing culture. But as a first generation, you’re paving your own way, there’s no blueprint for you, this is your home, you’ve never been anywhere else,” she remembers. But again, hindsight is 20/20, and today she says, she wishes that she wouldn’t have focused on that much, and just lived her truth. And in the end, I think that’s how I’d summarize how she prioritizes being authentic. She just, is, and she just, does. She no longer bothers herself with the thoughts of others, as it pertains to her woman and personhood. She listens to that inner voice, knowing that when you do, you simply just can’t go wrong. As she begins to wrap up the last chapter of her 20’s, I asked her what she’d like to tell herself in the earlier half of her 20s. She said,

“To be be less conventional. I think I was so used to, like just going to school, but also maybe that’s the luxury I’ll have now to pass on to my kids, who won’t have the same pressures I had. To explore a little more and have some leeway to make mistakes”.

A mighty lesson to learn at any age. Life isn’t a race of just checking boxes. You can and should go off course for a little. To venture the off-beaten path. And if you make a mistake, finding peace that you’ll learn valuable lessons. So what’s next for Ms. Kosar Abdi? Well, she isn’t concerned with that. She’s exactly where she’s meant to be now, and that’s all that matters.