The Seven Stages of Grief à la Adele
By Allison Perkins
So let's just say you're newly single.
Hypothetically of course. Let's also say that—hypothetically, you're going through the end of your second relationship this year, and it's not even June (purely for illustrative purposes). So you go through the usual motions: Your friends conduct their daily check-ins, showering is optional, and the dishes are stacking in the sink despite the dishwasher being one foot away.
We've been better!
This is when we find solace in our coping mechanisms. Maybe it's something productive like exercise, or cleaning (or showering, if you're a freak), or maybe it's frequent Facetime calls with friends, the occasional three hour nap, and a glass bottle of wine paired with a new HULU series. My friend's go-to coping strategy?
Views expressed are her own. My personal favorite is a tried-and-true regimen of crying, cleaning, not eating, annoying my friends, and music; a mix of rap to take my mind off things, and gut-wrenching/nostalgic/heartbreaking music so I can lean into my feelings. Balance is essential.
Enter Adele. This woman has certified HITS. She's credited for writing most of her songs, has won 15 Grammy Awards, and has even secured a place in the James Bond franchise soundtrack. Adele knows a thing or two about a little drama -- specifically at ages 19, 21, and 25. Her music is undeniably relatable, with each song standing the test of time. Although MY Queen of England has not released an album in five years, it's not like I'm exactly starved for something new. Quality is sustainable and therefore forever relevant, after all. Just refer to my other faves who haven't put out new albums since 2016: Rihanna (Needed Me and Woo for the Anger Stage) and Frank Ocean (Ivy for the Acceptance Stage). However, Adele is especially relevant as of late as she is slated to release a new album this year and I could not be happier.
Hopefully she keeps album release promises better than Rihanna.
Adele with her (money-grubbing scoundrel) ex-husband. The only direction from here is up, girl.
She disappeared for a while, quietly settling down with a seemingly random new husband and baby in their quaint marital castle, as one does, and has since recently shifted back into media focus. Between the recent finalization of her divorce, complete with a rumored hefty settlement to her ex for 100,000,0000 plus, to dating rumors tying her to UK Rapper Skepta (extremely here for it), and a new look (bad bitch at whatever size) -- I personally cannot think of better material to motivate a new album.
Adele's music, should I ever find myself with a recent change in relationship status, would then for example be on repeat in this household until further notice. I may then realize that with each passing day, I find my mood shifting into a different section of her discography, begging the question:
"Which phenomenon of psychology could this represent?"
The Seven (sometimes five, but we have time) Stages of Grief are the series of feelings which accompany a loss, and whether that loss is of a person, pet, relationship, job, new earrings, whatever -- it seriously tracks. The following are the levels of emotional responses we might experience should we find ourselves going through a recent heartbreak. While there is a general order of things, teetering back-and-forth between the stages is totally normal and completely A-OK.
Adele and I together at her 32nd Birthday/Divorce Finalization Party
1:SHOCK | TAKE IT ALL
"Didn't I give it all?
Tried my best
Gave you everything I had, everything and no less
Didn't I do it right?
Did I let you down?
Maybe you got too used to having me 'round"
But wait, there's more:
"So is it over? Is this really it?
You're giving up so easily,
I thought you loved me more than this"
K so wait, you're like, gone? Just like that?
2:DeNIAL | HE WON’T GO
"I won't go, I can't do it on my own
If this ain't love, then what is?
I'm willing to take the risk"
You're still seriously done?
ALEXA, RUN THAT BACK.
3:ANGER | RUMOUR HAS IT
"Bless your soul, you've got your head in the clouds
You made a fool out of me
And boy you're bringing me down
You made my heart melt, yet I'm cold to the core
But rumor has it I'm the one you're leaving her for"
The best stage, IMO. Pairs well with wine.
4:BARGAINING | I’LL BE WAITING
"I'll be waiting for you when you're ready to love me again
I'll put my hands up
I'll be somebody different
I'll be better to you"
The desperation stage hits. You're reliving every moment in your head, berating yourself about each potential negative trait you displayed during the relationship, promising that if you just had one more chance, you could do better. Was I too needy? Did I make things too easy? Am I ugly? This stage pairs well with friends, reassurance, crying, and more wine.
5:Depression | don’t you remember
I am annoying and unlovable and doomed to be alone for the rest of time.
“When was the last time you thought of me?
Or have you completely erased me from your memories?
I often think about where I went wrong
The more I do, the less I know”
6:Testing | Turning Tables
"When the thunder calls for me
Next time I'll be braver
I'll be my own savior
Standing on my own two feet"
Is that a little light at the end of the tunnel we see? Maybe it was just an incompatible match, after all.
7:ACCEPTANCE | send my love
"I'm giving you up
I've forgiven it all
You set me free"
"No worries. I'm good luv, Enjoy" - Future
So, if you're dealing with sadness and heartbreak after a conscious uncoupling, you're not alone. Surround yourself with friends, your preferred coping mechanisms, and music that makes you feel heard. Remember that, whether you wanted it or not, you now have the space for reflection, self-development, and eventually, a more appropriate fit. Your destiny was never tied to someone who does not want to grow with you.
Happy Grieving!